soo...Im pregnant.

I think thats a good enough excuse that Ive been gone a couple weeks.

Long story short, college was over, boyfriend wants to fuck other people, wont do long distance. Boyfriend breaks my fucking heart and stomps on it as I find him in bed with another girl a few days later. Afew days after that I find out Im pregnant.

Now this was 2 weeks ago. I live 5 hours from ex boyfriend. He tells me he loves me and misses me but wants nothing to do with me because "it just wont work". Me being depressed as fucking shit starts cutting again.

Im about a month pregnant. Getting an abortion within a few weeks.

So I've decided instead of laying around the house crying every fucking day for hours, that I just need to stop giving a shit about the asshole that cheated on me for 2 months and left me to deal with a pregnancy on my own, while stilll fucking with my emotions and telling me he loves me. So I need to convert this depression into motivation.

I need support. I need to lose this weight and shove it in his fucking stupid ass face that he will damn miss me and I wont give a SHIT!

Dealing with being pregnant alone is the hardest part. Thats why I always keep talking to him since it is his baby. But I need help to stop and just cut him out of my life.

So I'll come back on later with my goals and whatnot.

PS CAN ANYONE HELP ME??? > I have no idea how to put stuff in the boxes on the side of my entriesss, im so dumb w/ computers.

143.4

I bet if I wasnt hammered last night, ordered a large pizza, and ate 4 peices at 2 am that it would have been 142.

Im such a fuck up!

So I forgot something at my exes so went to pick it up and found him in bed with the fugly hoe he was in bed with last week. Unbelievable! I hate boys. My vow is no more relationships, my plan is to fuck over any asshole that tries anything with me. Ive done this " doing anything for a guy" in relationships for the past 5 years. Im done with this shit.

B: pizza
L: half cup pasta
D: Probably a sub at work. Work till 3:30 am

I need to lose 20 lbs. No, not so that I can get a guy. More like get guys to like me so I can lead them on and fuck it up. No feelings.

Me before getting hammered last night.

Im so flabby near my armpits :(

144.2

Ahh! I dont even want to eat at all if there is a chance that tomorow i could see a 143 on the scale. Lowest ive been for a very long time.

B: hot chocolate 250?ish
L: ham sub 400?ish

Hmmm...maybe i can try not to eat tonight and keep it at that.

I guess I should talk about my life which is hell right now. I just went through a terrible break up. Im trying to get over him, but i must cry at least every day. Its so hard. I love him. He says he loves me too. But doesnt wantto do the distance. I went to his house last night and he was in bed with another girl. Ive said the bitchiest things to him but he's hurt me so much. Its hard to end a relationship when you both still care. I think my bitchiness has made him not care about me anymore. Its a shitty situation, and ive had a hard time getting over it.

I hope I can move onsoon. Theres a new guy. But hes leading me on. He hasa pregnant gf right now, plans on breaking up with her once she has the abortion. Likes me but obviously if hes still with her nothings going to happen. I want to find something better.

I have a stalker down the hall, and 2 of my guy friends wantto fuck since they found out im single. I dont know what I want. I dont do the random sex thing but i also dont think i want a relationship. Confusing eh?

145.8

Super busy so i cant really post. Last week of school with tons of assignments arrghhhh.

Im super excited to move home in a week though!

So I will update over the weekend with a real post. Tons of drama in my life right now, i hate it.

145.8

I ate like a cow yesterday. I havent had money so i havent even been able to buy food. So I found out I was approved for another creditcard. What do I do? Go buy and eat a box of brownies AND a box of pizza pockets. Plus I ate a sub at work, so my cals were over 2000 for sure.

Well, maybe my body needed the boost from not eating much at all lately, but now Ill be back on track. Unfortunately today started with about ten chips. But i can still do good.

B: 10 chips (100?)
L: none
Dinner: Veggie sub @ work 350 i think?

So Ill keep it under 500 today. I have to. I need to be skinny.

Absolutely love this picture. My ex that I was just recently with has a ball python and let me name it Lulu and im so in love with her. Ill convince him to give me Lulu one day.

EDIT:

So on top of what I had planned I also ate a cookie at work, orange juice, and root beer....UGH! So that brings my total to about 1000 ish give or take a few. I want to be 142 by next sunday. No more fucking eating for me.